Are you a “none?”

Are you “spiritual but not religious.” (SBNR) What does this even mean?  Recently, many surveys and reports have come out talking about how more and more people are no longer identifying with a certian religion.  They see themselves as spiritual, but do not want to identify themselves with a particular denomination or religion.  They have called these people “nones,” meaning they do not have a religion.  When asked what religion they are if they are spiritual they answer by saying “none.”   For me it means that religion has become something that is much more about a social gathering, a place where you are expected to “follow the crowd,” a place that you are not allowed to have thoughts of your own, a place that you cannot challenge the traditions or ideology of the faith, and finally a place that you must be “orthodox” in your view your will not be accepted.  At the very least you will not be allowed to fully participate in that particular religous community fully because you think differently, challenge the thinking of the group, and have experience and information from outside of this religous group that is truth for you and contradicts the orthodoxy of the religion.

All that to say, a “none” for me is someone who is willing to be open to alternative ideas, experiences, and practices that will bring personal change and thereby bring change to all those we encounter.  I believe that I am a “none.” I am SBNR.  I believe that my expereince, both personal and sitting with in sessions for literally thousands of hours with many hundred to thousands people – individuals, families, couples, teenagers, children – over the past 23 years, has led me to a place of understanding that we are all people in search of something that will bring peace, certainty, love, significance, and value to our lives.  We have searched for it through religion and most of us find this leaves us wanting, confused, and asking ourselves “is that really all there is,” “is this really how this works?”  We want easy answers.  We want quick solutions, We want to be accepted, loved, and know for sure that we will be “ok” in the end.  Religion attempts to offer this to us.  We like the answers it gives us in the beginning.  Religion seems to quickly heal those wounds, give us a quick solution to feel good for a moment, and promises us that if we just have enough faith and do all the right things, we will never have to worry about those things that have caused us pain again.

We soon realize that religion lies to us.  We come every week, struggling with the same issue.  Looking for the “high” of forgiveness that will offer the certainty this week that even though I messed it all up this week (again) I will be ok in the end if I just ask for forgiveness (again).  The cycle continues.  We become disillusioned.  We know that we are spiritual beings and there is a spiritual answer.  However, following religion that only offers us a few solutions that must be packaged in the orthodoxy of that religion so we can participate actually liimits us.

Jesus did not come to give us religion.  Jesus came to free us. Jesus came to expand our awareness outside the orthodoxy of religion.  He challenged the religion of his day and asked people to follow a path of spirituality that was inclusive, open, aware, and willing to learn.  I was taught that “God’s turth is God’s truth whereever you may find it.”  God’s truth is found in many places.  That truth that is found outside “religion” has worked for me and many other people.  It is not a rejection of Jesus, but a expanding of Jesus and what he taught.  I see a none as someone who is willing to be open to this idea, expand their understanding of themselves, their relationship with others, and the world to a new place.  Religion limits this expansion because it requires us to remain true to the beliefs of itself and not step outside of the religion to learn from other traditions, ideas, or expereinces.

Other traditions, ideas, and forms of spirituality have not led me to a rejection of Jesus, but to a greater apprecation of what he taught, what he lived, and how he called us to live.  Being SBNR calls me to a more accountable level of change within myself. Being spiritual causes me to be more aware of my impact on others, the feelings, thoughts, and actions within myself that cause pain for me and those I interact with everyday.  Spirituality calls me to be focused on the here and now. To be aware of this present moment, mindful of how I can make things better for myself and others bring peace and contentment.  Spiritualty seeks peace and contentment within our pain.  Religion tends to call  people to look outside themselves and change others.  Religion tends to look beyond today to the life after this one for contentment.  That “someday” you will find peace and contentment, but it will not be here on this Earth, at this time.  Religion says that contentment and peace can only come when we oversome all our sin.

I have come to a place in my life where I have learned from my experience, experiences of my own and experiences of the hundrends and people and thousands of hours I have sat with them.  I have study and read the words of the Buddha, the words of Hindu in the Bhagavad Gita, the words of Buddhist monks, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Deepka Chohpra, Thomas Merton, Rob Bell, an various other writers, philosophers, psychologist and theologians.  The more I read, study, pray, meditate, and experience on my own the more I come to believe that God’s truth is God’s truth where we may find it.  The Bible holds truth, but it does not contain all of God’s truth.  God’s truth can be found everywhere! Especially if God is the creator of the universe and all living things.  God’s fingerprints have to be found everywhere, not just exclusively in the Bible.

The practical application of all of this for me in being a “none” is religion asked me to be deeply concerned about my afterlife and eternity (and yours) not being to concerned with my daily behavior, my thoughts, my attitudes, and how they effect me and those around me.  Religion allows most of those who follow it to “put off” thinking about these things and offers rationalization as to why my current behavior does not matter too much, because I am “saved,” you need to get “saved,” and that is the whole point.  There is not to much concern on really changing my behavior in the here and now, to worry about how it impacts my family, my friends, and the community at large.  So I see “religious” people continue to perpetuate the same hurts and pains for generations, in communities, and they wonder why the world continues to “get worse,” and “go to hell in a handbasket.”  They are completely unaware of the part they are playing in that downfall.

Spirituality ask us to look at ourselves from the inside out.  It is the power to change the world.  It starts with us.  It is the truth of Ghandi saying that you must “be the change you want to see in the world.” It is Buddha telling us that all of reality lies in what events of our lives mean to us.  It is Jesus saying to us it is not what you put in your body that is important, it is what comes out of your mouth because that comes from your heart.  This is what spirituality concerns itself with.  How can I be aware of what my anger, frustration, sadness, happiness, excitement is about?  How does this shape how I treat myself and others?  How does this bring change into the world?  It is a focus on our flaws and weaknesses and finding real practical ways to work on those and improve.  All the while, accepting that we are flawed, the world is flawed, and we need to accept that nothing will ever be as we want it.  It is in this acceptance that we find peace.  Jesus said in this world we will have trouble, be he had come that we can overcome the world. Buddha told us of the 5 Remembrances and the need to accept life on life terms and this is how we no longer suffer and find peace.  Spirituality calls us all to come together and accept this about ourselves and each other, to work towards a better self, family, community, society and world.  Spirituality ask us to be here now, aware, ever changing, ever accepting, ever compassionate with ourselves and others.

At the beginning of the year, I will be asking anyone who is interested in learning more about how to change their lives, and the lives of others, to join me in some talks and discussions.  I want to give practical ways that we can use our spiritual and psychological lives to find more peace, joy, and contentment.  I will be using ideas from the disciplines of psychology, sociology, and different spiritual traditions.  I don’t know where or when yet, but as The New Year approaches I will have more information available through this blog, facebook, twitter and my podcast: you can listen to it here!  Follow me at all these places and lets take a journey together to not only find peace and contentment for ourselves, but to bring it to others that are searching for it in places outside of traditional religion.  We are out there looking for a place to connect, be heard, feel safe, and be loved.

Namaste’

Joy

I wanted to take today and stop for a moment and tell you why I am telling my story.  First, I think that vulnerability (though very scary) is very powerful.  I know that by telling my story someone will be able to open their unfurl their life with God and find joy.  Secondly, I want to tell the story of how there is joy in heaven over finding one lost sheep:

“Suppose one of you had a hundred sheep and lost one. Wouldn’t you leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the lost one until you found it? When found, you can be sure you would put it across your shoulders, rejoicing, and when you got home call in your friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Celebrate with me! I’ve found my lost sheep!’ Count on it—there’s more joy in heaven over one sinner’s rescued life than over ninety-nine good people in no need of rescue.

Luke 15:4-7

I know that my story, although not unique, does not get shared often.  We all keep our stories secret and away from those who we think will judge us.  I know that someone, somewhere will read my story here, or listen to me tell it somewhere and make a judgement about how I should not be a therapist and how I should not be speaking to people about how life can work better, or will say that I am unfit to help others in some way.  I tell my story because I think it makes me more of an “expert” in helping others.  I can be empathetic with others, compassionate, and understand that we all are lost sheep looking to be rescued – loved.  I know that in my weakness the power of God is made strong in me.

So I tell my story so that we can all rejoice that we all have been found.  I tell my story so that we all recognize that we are in need of rescue.  I tell my story so that we can say to each other “Celebrate with me!”  I tell it so we can overcome our shame and find peace, understanding and be enlighten to the joy of being found by our Creator despite the feelings we have that say we are not worth finding.

So today just bask in the joy for moment that you have been found by your Creator.  Meditate on this!  Feel and know your worth and value and the joy you bring to God in allowing yourself to be vulnerable so you can be found.

Namaste’

Power of Resurrection

Easter is over, now what?

This is a question I ask every year.  I ask it because I remember when I was in college at Liberty University.  I did everything that was asked of me to make life work in the “right” way.  I went to chapel three times a week, had bible study on the hall every night, read my Bible everyday, listened to only Christian music, and attended church three times a week.  That was the message – “Accept Jesus into your life, follow this path, and life will work better.”  However, this did not work for me.  I was still this addicted, worried, anxious, scared and shame filled boy that I had always been.  I missed out on the real, life-changing, here and now power of grace.

This is part of my story.  This is the part that led me to find this wonderful, glorious, grace-filled God.  So I ask this question every year – “Easter is over, now what?”  It is my fear that many people spend yesterday at church making sure that their “salvation” is secure but it has not impact on their life from day to day.  They still walk around worried, scared, anxious, angry, full of shame, unwilling to unfurl themselves to the wind of Spirit.  They really do not know how to practically – day to day – make their faith work for themselves.  They do not know the actions to take or the things they can do to overcome their fear and shame.

This is my passion.  To help people find a practical way to apply their faith.  To overcome their shame and fear with the wonderful grace of our Creator.  The first thing we all need to understand is our self esteem or our identity.  Even after we come to know God, we all still identify ourselves through the events and circumstances that happen around us and to us.  Psychology calls this our ego.  We tells ourselves three things –

1) Other people’s opinions matter

2) We must be successful if what we do

3) We are our roles

So even though Easter is over we will continue to make sure everyone has a good opinion of us so we can feel accepted, even though this is impossible and there is no way to make everyone like us.  We will also continue to strive for success, in whatever way we define it, and when we fail (because we will) it will mean that we are worthless somehow.  Finally, we will make our roles define who we are – “I am a father, mother, wife, sister, friend, therapist, nurse, ………………….(you fill it in).  These roles will change and when they do who are we then?  When we are not successful at these roles then what?

We have value and worth because we have been created.  We have value and worth because we are loved.  Since we do we no longer have to strive for these three ways to gain approval, love, or an identity we are free to unfurl our spirit and pursue what we are created and placed here to do. Sadly, most will not even though Easter has come and gone.  Most will not because we will not recognize the real impact of resurrection on life in the hear and now.  We think resurrection is about just waiting for someone to return and for us to feel continual peace while in heaven.  We miss out on the real, life changing, here and now power of grace.  More to come on this later…………

Namaste’

Love

What if…….

What if there was a place where love was abounded?  I don’t mean a place where love abounds because you are just like us, or because you believe what we believe, or because you are changing your life to live in the way we think you should.

What if this place just loved you because you were becoming a happier, more connected, more joyful, more loving, engaging, caring, human being?  What if there was a place that encouraged you to be like Jesus, but this encouragement was not about some set of rules to follow, but a set of principles to live life by?  If we live by the principles Jesus taught us to live by we cannot help but be drawn to God and the life that we are called to live.

Motivated by love we are drawn to be our best.  We find that when we can let go of our worries about what we are we can become who we are.  Grace is the most powerful force available to us today.  Grace is a substance, a living breathing thing that we have left unused!

We no longer become vulnerable, we are unwilling to expose our true self.  We no longer get the chance to truly learn how to live.  We miss out on the opportunity to be known and to know others.  We look at rules for behavior, rather than the principles of living in relationships.

What if there was a place that was a “no BS zone?”  A place were you are loved when you share your self – your true self – to find the life you were created to live rather than the life others want you to live?  What if…?

 

 

Overcome Fear

In the Bible – 2 Timothy 1:7 – it says “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”  What if we really believed this?  Is this true?  If it is why do we all still fear?  What is fear?  What happens to us when we give into fear?  What makes us so scared to live out our own individual identity – the person we were created to be?

We all live life at some point with a fear that we will be rejected, lost, abandoned, insignificant.  We fear that if you do not do what is expected of us by our families, friends, pastors, spiritual leaders, teachers we will not be accepted.  We fear this and then we go about attempting to find love and calm our worries by doing what “they” think we should do.  We live in shame, fear, and doubt.  We live our lives in a place that we were not designed to live in by our creator.

What if there was a place where you did not have to fear this rejection?  A place where those “voices” could be silenced and you could listen to the voice that is yours.  The voice that is God inside of you saying “this is what you were created for!”  You don’t have to be like Peter or Moses or Paul, but the YOU I created you to be!  What if there was a place you could do exactly that – overcome fear and live in power and love and have a sound mind free from worry?

I am sharing my story to help us all overcome the fear that we have to be what others want us to be.  I lived this life for a while.  A life of “what would they think if….”  To live a life of love, power, and a calm mind we must have a powerful psychology and a power spirituality. 

Identity

Identity.  We hear this word thrown around in many different ways today.  What exactly does it mean? The formal definition is the collective aspect of the set of characteristics by which a thing is definitively recognizable or known.  So how are you recognized?  How do people know you?

In psychology there are three main ways that people go about obtaining an identity:

1. Other people’s opinions

2. The roles that we play everyday

3. How successful we are

If we take a look at these three we will see that we all attempt to forge our identity based on these things.  How many times have you thought “I wonder what they will think of me if I said this or did this?”  This is the worry about other people’s opinions.  How many times have we thought “I want to be the best parent, salesman, husband, wife, (insert role here) in the world.”  How many times have we thought “If only I could get, afford, have, (insert success here) then I will be great!”

We have all done it!  What we do not realize is that we are not in control of most any of these three things.  Yes, we can do our best, obtain goals, and even be really good at something.  However, we all fail, yell at our kids, don’t make the sale, and there is no way that we can get EVERYONE to like us!  If these are the places we get our identity from – our lives feel out of control and overwhelming.

There is a better place to find our identity!  I hope you follow along with me for the next few days as we discuss where your true identity comes from and what are the practical steps to help you get there!  Talk to you soon!!